Critical points. We all have them in our lives. These are points in our lives that shape who and what we are. They change our lives forever. Sometimes the change is good. Sometimes the change is bad.
Why do I talk about this? Psychiatrists say that sometimes the quickest way to heal is to talk about it. Now I'll admit that I'm not planning on advertising this post, but writing this down I think will help me feel better.
I've had several of these critical points in my life. Some I was able to do the right thing. Others, I was not. Still others I did what I though was right at the time, but looking back, I have to wonder if I did the right thing or not.
My marriage was one such critical point. It was one of the ones that I did right. Join the Navy was another right point.
There was another point that has left me wondering if I did the right thing or not. My choices were to do what I thought was the right thing or to give in to what others wanted me to do in order to further my career. I was still in the Navy at this point. I wanted to advance in rank. I was willing to work at it. I wasn't willing to sacrifice who I was. I couldn't be not me. I wanted to be able to look in to the mirror and be proud of who I was, but the question haunts me to this day.... Did I do the right thing?
Because I couldn't be someone other than myself, I was doomed never to advance in rank from the rank I was at. That critical point ended up being my only chance to advance in rank. Had I done what they wanted, I'm sure that I would have advanced.
I'm not the kind of person who yells at people when they mess up. That's normally not me. If I'm yelling, then you REALLY messed up! I'm more the type of person who will talk to you to see why you messed up in the first place. That's not what my Chain of Command wanted from me. They wanted me to be more of the hard ass. More of the bad cop than the good one.
I'm also not the type who will go running to the superiors every time someone makes a mistake. I'll fix it the best I can and if I can't, then I don't have a choice but to tell someone above me to have them fix it. My Chain of Command didn't like that either. They wanted me to be a tattle tail. They wanted to have direct control of those junior to me, but that's not the way it's supposed to work. They got mad at me once because I fixed an issue without letting them do it. It was my job to fix the issue, but they wouldn't have any of that.
Their issue was totally related to trust issues. That is, they didn't trust any of us in the office. It's not an easy working relationship when you don't trust anyone.
As I write this, I'm feeling regret. A part of me just wishes I would have just done what they wanted in order to advance my career. Chief Meyer would have been nice to be called. And yet another part is proud of the fact that I didn't give in. That I had enough will power to be who I was in the face of adversary. Sure, I would have loved to advance in rank, but at what cost? I would have lost the good person I am and would have replaced him with someone that NO ONE would want to work for. In that, I am more proud of myself.
Why do I talk about this? Psychiatrists say that sometimes the quickest way to heal is to talk about it. Now I'll admit that I'm not planning on advertising this post, but writing this down I think will help me feel better.
I've had several of these critical points in my life. Some I was able to do the right thing. Others, I was not. Still others I did what I though was right at the time, but looking back, I have to wonder if I did the right thing or not.
My marriage was one such critical point. It was one of the ones that I did right. Join the Navy was another right point.
There was another point that has left me wondering if I did the right thing or not. My choices were to do what I thought was the right thing or to give in to what others wanted me to do in order to further my career. I was still in the Navy at this point. I wanted to advance in rank. I was willing to work at it. I wasn't willing to sacrifice who I was. I couldn't be not me. I wanted to be able to look in to the mirror and be proud of who I was, but the question haunts me to this day.... Did I do the right thing?
Because I couldn't be someone other than myself, I was doomed never to advance in rank from the rank I was at. That critical point ended up being my only chance to advance in rank. Had I done what they wanted, I'm sure that I would have advanced.
I'm not the kind of person who yells at people when they mess up. That's normally not me. If I'm yelling, then you REALLY messed up! I'm more the type of person who will talk to you to see why you messed up in the first place. That's not what my Chain of Command wanted from me. They wanted me to be more of the hard ass. More of the bad cop than the good one.
I'm also not the type who will go running to the superiors every time someone makes a mistake. I'll fix it the best I can and if I can't, then I don't have a choice but to tell someone above me to have them fix it. My Chain of Command didn't like that either. They wanted me to be a tattle tail. They wanted to have direct control of those junior to me, but that's not the way it's supposed to work. They got mad at me once because I fixed an issue without letting them do it. It was my job to fix the issue, but they wouldn't have any of that.
Their issue was totally related to trust issues. That is, they didn't trust any of us in the office. It's not an easy working relationship when you don't trust anyone.
As I write this, I'm feeling regret. A part of me just wishes I would have just done what they wanted in order to advance my career. Chief Meyer would have been nice to be called. And yet another part is proud of the fact that I didn't give in. That I had enough will power to be who I was in the face of adversary. Sure, I would have loved to advance in rank, but at what cost? I would have lost the good person I am and would have replaced him with someone that NO ONE would want to work for. In that, I am more proud of myself.
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